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Ennisburger

Life changing

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 22 avril 2023

Achat vérifié

This book described me. It also inspired me to redirect internal hatred (an ongoing process) to the homophobic society which, frankly, caused me so much undue pain and suffering for many many years.

An essential read for any gay dude or ally.

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Karthik Hebbar

Highly recommended - this book is therapy!

Commenté en Inde 🇮🇳 le 26 octobre 2020

Achat vérifié

I don't even know how to begin this review. This book is what I need at this point in time. It was therapy for me. Knowledge and science always empowers individuals. As minorities, we go on with our lives not realising how much of our lives are actually governed by factors like SHAME and Transgenerational Homophobia.
One one end we fight our own prejudice, on another the society and if that were not enough, the inherent patriarchy within the queer community can be extremely disturbing and numbing at times. This sense of aleanation and emptiness that Comes with Shame had wounded me too and very deeply so. I have been fighting severe anxiety, body dismorphia and food addiction. Though finding love, a stable partnership has healed me to a very great extent, there are ghosts from childhood that still haunt me. This book, held a mirror to my life. I could really see what I was in denial of! Sometimes just acknowledging our problems makes a big change and this book taught me that. It helped me in understanding lot of my own complexities and more than anything it allowed me to forgive myself. I am now moving forward.
And I am extremely grateful for this book.
Highly recommend it to all queer friends, allys and really everyone who wants a just and equal world.

Une personne a trouvé cela utile

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stevie

Illuminating and worthwhile read

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 4 juin 2021

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Read through some of the 1 star reviews and thought they were quite unfair - e.g not being able to find one's own gay experience in this book. The first two thirds of this book were illuminating, researched in depth, and highlighted things to me I never realised but were absolutely spot on about how growing up in a society were gayness is shameful has profoundly affected me, and also the gay community I've for some reason I've always had an uneasy relationship with. This book spelt it
all out.

Todd has a real nice guy tone too. Feels like a friend or the words of a brother, the type of guy you'd really hope to meet in the gay world.

4 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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J Clements

This book contextualised and helped me to understand better my past

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 20 juillet 2018

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Wow! Where to start? This book is astonishing. Don't even think about it: just buy it and read it. If you're LGBT: read it! If you have an LGBT friend or family member: read it! If you just care about other people: read it. AND ESPECIALLY, if you are in the privileged position of nurturing children and young adults read it! This book contextualised and helped me to understand better my past, where I am situated now with regard to it, and why I respond to events and people in the present in the way that I do, in a way that no other comparable book has. Todd's honesty and integrity in intermingling his own personal story with those of many other LGBT people is heartbreaking, heartwarming and massively uplifting all at the same time. I couldn't put this book down once I'd started, and there will be no LGBT person (regardless of your age or background) who will not gain by reading this. Even if you think you’ve dealt with all the inevitable societal issues of growing up LGBT in a straight world this book will still have something to offer you. It will leave every reader with an understanding of how far LGBT people have come in the last four decades, but also enable us to think about how and how much more we can all do to improve our own and each others' lives. This book was so uplifting: I've hardly been able to think of anything else since I read it two weeks ago, and I know I'll return to it again and again. Many thanks indeed Matthew Todd.

15 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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MR MARK J PEDDER

A Revolutionary Read

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 20 décembre 2020

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I reccomend all to read this , even if you approach it and think it is purely a self help book. It is so much more than that. I was hesitant myself and mainly because I was afraid of facing past demons and taking off the jacket to see what was under the surface. In other words by reading this book it may help you strip off the layers of what potentially has held you back in life. For me it uncovered some dark areas and made me uncomfortable at first but I am glad I persevered. Go with it I say and by doing so some scars may lift away and confidence may stay.

3 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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T G

Every member of the gay community should read this.

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 15 novembre 2020

Achat vérifié

I was told by a friend that I should give this a go, with the recommendation of "every member of the gay community should read this", and I can certainly say that recommendation paid off. For someone who isn't a reader by any stretch, this had me glued the whole way through. It's not a self help book, it's not a "read this to fix everything" book, but what it does is really help you take an inward look at yourself, and help unravel the confusions of life that we didn't even know we had. Based on research and interviews from a whole plethora of people, Matthew Todd's "Straight Jacket" will certainly open up your eyes to the many weird and wonderful behaviours we have all adopted over our life times, giving you the opportunity to evaluate and assess where you go next on your journey of life.

3 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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Jake

Every gay man should read this

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 19 novembre 2020

Achat vérifié

For a long time I'd heard about this book but stubbornly didn't think it was a 'book for me'; that somehow I didn't need it - that I was 'very-much-together' enough as a gay person. I was wrong - I needed it. And without wanting to sound like an advert or slogan: *every* gay man should read this. I haven’t stopped talking to gay friends or texting them about it all week. It is completely unputdownable; quite genuinely one of the best books I have ever read. It lightly encourages you to think about your own behaviour, and patterns of behaviour, and how you might might small steps to change them, if needed. And in some cases, I'm sure, it might just change your life. An absolute must read - I shall return to it periodically for the rest of my life.

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Simon J Speddy

Biography not Sociology

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 15 février 2017

Achat vérifié

This book must be seen as an interesting, useful and informative biography. As such, it is dealing with the experiences of one individual gay man in the modern world. And, yes, it is likely that many other gay people will resonate and identify with Matthew Todd's varied experiences and troubles.I am sure that some gay men (as the book has virtually nothing to say about women) will find the book helpful in coming to terms with their sexuality, and the book is very graphic in its descriptions of the modern (predominately urban) gay life-world. Todd also highlights the risks that exist within the gay scene, and offers helpful and considered advice to those who may need it.

However, we must bear in mind that this book is predominately dealing with the experiences of one gay man and some of his significant others, Our own personal histories and experiences are unique to us, and my problem with this book is that is does appear to have an underlying assumption (although this is denied) that all gay men within the modern world are all as equally troubled at Matthew. My own experiences of moving to London in the late eighties were of liberation, empowerment and activism. Yes, we needed to continue to fight for equality, and this was the height of the AIDS epidemic, but there was also a feeling of optimism and euphoria. I am not wanting to undermine much of the book's considered content, but I do find it rather one sided and at times gloomy.

Some reviewers have stated that this book offers a "sociology" of modern gay life, but this is categorically not the case. To make any sociological contribution, the book would have needed to place "personal troubles" within the context of "public issues". Although this was not the aim of the book, I believe that any useful analysis of modern gay life must also have a consideration of the wider social structures that we inhabit. Why homophobio continues to exist, with its resultant personal troubles (well documeneted in the book), needs to be analysed from a wider sociological perspective that takes into account history, social structures, culture and human agency.

10 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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hmmmm

If you've stumbled across this book, you probably need to read it. And read it now...

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 24 juin 2018

Achat vérifié

There's a lot of positive reviews for this book and I doubt my heaping on even more superlatives would really add anything.

But I did want to leave review, because this book is a revelation: It's surprising how, after reading it, suddenly its "thesis" is so bleeding obvious! That internalised "shame" damages young gay people, profoundly. And it really does explain an awful lot of behaviours one sees in "gay life".

Being over forty now, I've turned my back on dating, gay life, the gay community. I did so thinking everyone else is happy and I don't fit in... because I'm flawed.

Despite having plenty of evidence that other gay people aren't permanently happy and well adjusted, I still thought that I was the problem (not "white" enough, not "fit" enough, not "young" enough). I've been lucky enough to avoid some of the destructive behaviours this book describes, but I do have the same destructive thoughts. And and overwhelming sense of emptiness. If any of that sounds even vaguely familiar, please do read this book. If only because I suspect it will help you make sense of your life a little better.

I read this over one weekend, so in no time at all. And it really was worth the time :)

31 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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Imraan Sathar

Essential reading especially if you are LGBT+

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 2 octobre 2016

Achat vérifié

After being repeatedly recommended this book by a friend and seeing one of my employees reading it I finally got round to purchasing this for my kindle. The sub title may well be a little misleading and make people who feel happy like they need not read this book but I am 100% sure that every single person whether LGBT+ or not, happy or not, will get something from this book which will either help you or put you in a better position to help those around you. Within the first few chapters I had already started recommending it to various friends. There are some comments about the latter part of the book which may seem a bit of a drag to read but I persisted because I could see how even though it may not be relevant to me and my friends currently, the knowledge I was garnering could well be useful in future. As someone from a BME background I think there could well be more to be explored for a second edition especially considering the events in Orlando this year. In summary, I can't recommend this book more highly for everyone. If enough people read and understand a little better the issues we all face that we sometimes don't even realise then we could change so many things for the better for generations to come.

4 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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