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IndependentThinker

Tragic.

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 13 août 2016

Achat vérifié

A book about the misery that is all too common for cis women, whose bodies seem to betray them at every turn as society does its best to prime them to accept a masochistic position.

I cannot understand how her husband continued to put her at risk after she and her daughter almost died. Were both of his hands amputated? Jessica mentions how he can compartmentalize and hide his feelings while she has PTSD. Given that his body has remained uninvaded/sacrosanct/solely for his own pleasure his entire life, of course he cannot understand what she--or her daughter--has been through. He comes across as a robotic selfish boor. This book does not explain why such a smart vibrant woman is drawn to such a person, but I suppose that this is another element of what makes her writing so powerful: In a world where one is a sex object, any straight male that sees a brain in the body is a viable mate no matter how cold and insensitive.

Sad, sad book. Best to Jessica and Layla.

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Little hair man

Better than her Full Frontal Feminism

Commenté au Royaume-Uni 🇬🇧 le 10 janvier 2017

Achat vérifié

The only other book of herrs I have read is Full Frontal Feminism. This one is better; it is easier to read, and tells a story.

Admittedly, it starts with a pretty frontal indictment of men. Fair enough - we are not exactly choir boys. A little over the top, I think, but fair comment.

It then becomes the memoir it sers out to be. And here, Ms Valenti hides nothing. It is actually quite an eye opener. She into quite some detail of her 'dating' history. Between quotes because is resemble nothing I have experienced or witnessed.

She seems to have taste in rough, unromantic, violent, drugged men. At least that it what comes over. Given that she picked up most of her 'dates' at frat parties, at bars and in the street whole drunk or drugged up, it is hardly surprising that most of them turn out to be pretty poor choices.

However, she never seems to learn, and accumulates bad experiences. (She does meet and marry a nice guy, in the end.)

I grant her full marks for honesty, but I am flummoxed that she fails to realise that her view of men, as a whole, is perhaps flawed, because viewed through the lens of her quite extraordinary lovelife.

A judgment passed on all men based on the dogs she picked up is hardly objective or even fair; Jessica, why did you ignore all the nice men?! Why did you keep returning to the kennels for more?

Interesting tale, and probably a reasonable explanation of her quite radical feminism. Men don not come out of this very well, but then again, her subject group is hardly representative.

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KGBeast

Ein (zu) ehrliche Autobiographie für die feministische Sache

Commenté en Allemagne 🇩🇪 le 20 juin 2016

Achat vérifié

Jessica Valenti ist eine regelmäßige Kolumnistin für den GUARDIAN in den US und hat zuvor bereits als Bloggerin von sich reden gemacht. Sie betreibt in den USA sehr intensiv feministische Aufklärung, allerdings in einer Art und Weise, mit der sie bei den Frauenhassern genauso aneckt, wie bei einigen Feministinnen. Das zeigen auch die teils sehr feindseligen und ehrenrührigen Anwürfe, die sie im Haupttext dieses Buchs anspricht – und vor allen Dingen die E-Mails und Twitternachrichten, die sich im Anhang dieses Buchs finden. Und die zum Teil doch ziemlich infantil, unreif und dann wieder überaus aggressiv wirken. Diese Nachrichten beziehen sich teils auf ihren Blog, auf ihre Webseite und auf einige youtube-Videos, die sie eingestellt hat, sowie auf zum Teil private Beiträge auf ihrer Facebook-Seite. Und natürlich auch auf ihre vorhergehenden Sachbücher „Full Frontal Feminism“, „Why have Kids?“, „The Purity Myth“ und „He’s a Stud, she’s a Slut – and 49 other Double-Standards every Woman Should Know.“ Ähnlich provokant wie diese Titel sind wohl sowohl die Inhalte dieser Bücher, wie auch ihre Beiträge für andere Medien.

In dem vorliegenden Buch geht es allerdings weniger um programmatische als um autobiographische Arbeit. Frau Valenti beschreibt hier ihr Aufwachsen in New York, in einem Halbhaus direkt am Autostrich und all die sexuellen Übergriffigkeiten, die sie durch Männer auf der Straße, in öffentlichen Verkehrsmitteln, in der Schule von Mitschülern und Lehrkräften und so weiter erfahren hat. Dabei ist ihre Darstellung vergleichsweise eindeutig, so dass man eigentlich relativ klar erkennen kann, wann Männer übergriffig geredet oder gehandelt haben – und in meinen Augen absolut inakzeptabel, bzw. unerklärbar. Vor Teenagern in einem öffentlichen Verkehrsmittel mit seinem Penis herumzuwedeln halte ich für dringend behandlungsbedürftig (um nur ein Beispiel zu nennen).

Was die Beurteilung der Sache sehr schwierig macht ist Frau Valentis allgemeiner Lebenswandel über einen großen Teil des beschriebenen Zeitraums. Sie trinkt exzessiv, ist ziemlich promisk, nimmt Drogen und stimmungsverändernde Medikamente in großen Mengen und hat, wie sie selbst zugibt, Schwierigkeiten, auf Übergriffigkeiten zu reagieren – Schwierigkeiten, die sie anderen Frauen nicht immer zugesteht. Was natürlich die jeweils beteiligten Männer in keinster Weise entschuldigt.

Aber trotzdem erweist sie dem Feminismus in meinen Augen eher einen Bärendienst, wenn sie ihre Promiskuität so hervorhebt und beschriebt, wie sie en passant Männer mastubiert oder Fellatio an ihnen ausführt, selbst wenn sie gefühlsmäßig nicht in sie investiert ist – was ich nebenher auch bei Männern irritierend finde. Aber Frau Valenti stellt selbst in einer Abschnittsüberschrift fest, dass sie dazu neigt, ungünstige bis katastrophale Entscheidungen zu treffen.

Sie gibt zu, dass andere Frauen andere Erfahrungen als sie gemacht haben, auch weil sie andere Entscheidungen getroffen haben. Aber diese Aneinanderreihung von schlechten Entscheidungen mit dabei vermeidbaren und unvermeidbaren schlechten Erfahrungen mit ihren Mitmenschen, die sie hier präsentiert soll wohl auch programmatisch-aufklärerischen Charakter haben und dafür eignet sie sich in meinen Augen nur eingeschränkt. Tatsächlich werden die gezeigten Muster mit der Zeit vorhersehbar und eintönig, so dass das Lesen nicht nur auf Grund der gezeigten Dinge verärgert, sondern mit der Zeit auch ein wenig langweilt. Lange war ich nicht mehr so versucht, ein Buch verfrüht zu beenden.

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Elizabeth L

Starts off strong, loses focus midway

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 14 août 2021

Achat vérifié

Like many memoirs had a strong start but narrative became disorganized about halfway through. I couldn't finish it, moved on to a better read. Her point was well made in the first half of the book rhough.

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Chaunceington

Recommended Reading for All Men

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 8 juillet 2016

Achat vérifié

This book is illuminating and recommended to anybody who thinks women don't face immense objectification that affects them in deep, irreversible ways. However, I think (and hope) that Ms. Valenti is an outlier when it comes to the level of misogyny she experiences. My wife and other women in my life tell me that they have not experienced anything near the grotesque prejudice Ms. Valenti describes in her book. Perhaps it is because we didn't grow up in New York, but either way, the experiences spoken of were alarming and the first we'd heard of such depravity. There were times in the book when there seemed to be a tad of selective reasoning or myopic rationality, but for the most part this book provided an eye-opening account of attitudes and manners that need to change in the male gender. We've made progress, but it's not over yet.

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Author Alan Roger Currie

Since when did a man's 'sexual lust' for women become synonymous with 'hating' women (misogyny)?

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 23 juin 2016

Achat vérifié

In the Introduction chapter of Jessica Valenti's book, Sex Object: A Memoir , the author asks the question, "Who would I be if I didn't live in a world that hated women?"

For starters, that is a goofy question to begin a book with. It is obvious she is referring to men (unless she is suggesting that not only are the vast majority of men in the world misogynists, but also a significant percentage of other women as well). So, the real question that Ms. Valenti should start off with should be more appropriately, "Who would I be if I didn't live in a world where most men in society didn't exhibit hatred and misogyny toward women?"

I remember once back in Summer of 1985 (when I had a 42'' chest and a 29'' waist and about 8% of body fat), I had a female friend invite me to model some men's underwear for a lingerie shop in Bloomington, Indiana (my alma mater is Indiana University). I was one of three men selected, and we joined 6 or 7 female models. I walked through the all-female crowd wearing a men's g-string, and this is when I first realized that if a man is handsome and perceived as having a high degree of sex appeal, HE TOO will be 'objectified' as opposed to being treated like a multi-dimensional human being. Women began to touch on my physique without my consent or permission. They grabbed on me - as well as my two fellow male models - as if they were ENTITLED to touch on me.

My point in sharing this story is not to brag on how lean, muscular and athletic my physique was 31 years ago, but rather to emphatically highlight that BOTH MEN AND WOMEN are frequently "objectified." The difference between most men and many women is that the vast majority of men LOVE being treated like "sex objects." I would even go as far as to suggest that most men PREFER to be treated "sex objects." What men hate is being treated like "male girlfriends" and/or "play brothers." I feel totally insulted when a woman treats me like I am not worthy of being anything more to her than a purely platonic male "friend." I would say I speak for most men.

The thing is, women enjoy men's non-sexual / purely platonic companionship probably ten times more than men enjoy spending time with women in a purely platonic manner. And THIS is what REALLY leaves women feeling agitated, irritated, and frustrated (this is discussed in the , The Beta Male Revolution: Why Many Men Have Totally Lost Interest in Marriage in Today's Society ). If a man is attracted to a woman physically and sexually, more often than not, he has no desire to remain "just friends" with a woman. This is a concept that I feel leaves the author and the fellow members of her gender feeling delusional about and in denial.

Another thing: I am so sick and tired of women (and particularly feminists) whining about this so-called "double standard" (i.e., men who are labeled 'players' and 'womanizers' when they are sexually active and promiscuous, but women being labeled as 'sluts' and 'whores' when they are sexually active and promiscuous). THAT IS NOT MEN'S FAULT. THIS IS WOMEN'S FAULT. Women love promiscuous men. They cannot get enough of them (I am speaking from personal experience as well as my personal observation). If women, as a group, were to CHOOSE to avoid dating and/or marrying men who have a reputation for being promiscuous ... PROBLEM SOLVED. There would be no more "double standard." Quit blaming men for the fact that you women are far more willing to be the wife of a highly promiscuous man than most men are willing to be the husband to a highly promiscuous woman.

For every choice and decision we make - men and women - there are going to be potential consequences, criticisms, judgments, and/or repercussions. You just have to accept that as fact and deal with it. Quit whining and complaining. If women do not want to be 'sexually objectified' ... eat junk food every day, allow yourself to gain 40 or more pounds, and stop taking care of your grooming and hygiene. Then women will stop being sexually objectified by just about all men overnight. Trust.

Here are some of the points expressed by Ms. Valenti that I am in agreement with:

A) If a man makes a sexual advance toward a woman ... and he is rebuffed ... he should then immediately leave the woman alone. If the man persists after being straightforwardly rejected, then he is more than guilty of "harassing" a woman;

B) No man should feel like he is 'entitled' to grope a woman's body (like those horny women groped my body in 1985) when she has not given him the green light to do so; Such behavior is representative of sexual harassment, if not borderline sexual assault;

C) If a woman is not interested in engaging in oral sex, anal sex, and/or vaginal intercourse with a man, she needs to make that specifically clear to a man before she begins 'making out' with that guy; Similarly, if a man is interested in engaging in sexual relations with a woman, he needs to express that to a woman in an upfront, specific, and straight-to-the-point manner in order to prevent "compromising situations" that could potentially lead to date-rape or sexual assault;

There are few other valid points and assertions that are expressed, but the overall demonizing of the male gender in this book is totally unwarranted and invalid. Next time, Ms. Valenti needs to present a book that is more objective-minded than what was presented in this recent effort.

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Paris A.

Wow

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 3 août 2016

Achat vérifié

Wow! This memoir is the sharing of Valenti's life as a woman who feels objectified and attacked on a daily basis. She goes back into her childhood and tells stories of men flashing her, or groping her, or saying suggestive comments to her on the streets. She walks you through her teen and college years where you can see how those moments imprinted on her psyche and created the woman she was in the world – hard-partying, promiscuous, and yearning for love. And, then how she became a feminist writer and blogger, as well as how she became a mother. Through the whole book she's blunt and at the end you feel like someone ran over and shook you hard. But, then at the same time you realize you needed to be shaken. She is telling the story of every woman in America, who even if they haven't lived exactly her life, know what it is to feel objectified and attacked and criticized, just for being women, and then objectified and attacked and criticized a second time when they defend themselves. I'd call this a must-read because it will really make you sit and think. Plus it's quick, easy read.

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Linda Adkins

A memoir worth reading.

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 11 décembre 2021

Achat vérifié

This memoir was an eye opener to how life really can be for women. Dealing with sexual abuse, sexual harassment, misogyny, rape, men sexual behavior being justified due to medical diagnosis, rejected body, sexism, and abortion. I’d recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a memoir. She is a great writer who opened up about her own life experiences, as being objectified as a sex object. After reading it I realized she was not only telling her story but the story of others as well.

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Alicia

Half baked

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 5 septembre 2016

Achat vérifié

I should confess that I'm only halfway through, but I think my opinion on this book is pretty much baked and ready.

I appreciate that Valenti had the courage to write about her experiences. It takes a clitoris to write about something so painful with prose so thoughtful and deft. And yet, while Valenti writes beautifully in the introduction about what she wants to pinpoint -- how it feels to live in a 'world that hates women' -- I don't think she quite pulls it off.

'Sex Object' makes a more convincing case that, when she was younger, Valenti really hated herself.

I've been there. And I know how painful it is to then realize you've allowed other people to share in, and contribute to, that self-hatred. The world doesn't guarantee a safety net, even when, and perhaps especially when, we're not feeling strong enough to weave one ourselves.

FWIW, my personal experience as a woman has been that the stronger you become mentally, the less power these experiences have to define you. I've actually come to view men who perpetrate 'microagressions' against me as victims themselves -- of ignorance, of low self-esteem, of a culture that too often equates masculinity with making a woman feel like s***.

In that vein, I think this book is a good starting point for an urgently needed discussion. But I also think the world kind of sucks for everyone, until you realize that it doesn't have to, really, and you allow yourself to view everyone, regardless of gender, with compassion.

My 2 cents. Back to the book and my half-baked cookies.

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Amazon Customer

There Are No Pat Answers Here.

Commenté aux États-Unis 🇺🇸 le 7 juin 2016

Achat vérifié

This is a remarkable memoir. She could have made herself sound a lot neater, a lot tidier, and made the whole thing more comfortable. This is a messy, raw, real, honest book. This is not a memoir composed of either self-mythologizing or pat storytelling. In fact, it is as little about the author herself as a memoir of its kind can be. Rather, it is a memoir about how the personal is political, one that is grounded in a sometimes startlingly unvarnished honesty about the personal. It's about sex and sexuality, about women in the world and the things that go unsaid about that experience, and about a lot of other things, too. I've read her other books and her columns appear in my social media feeds and I'm a fan. But this is something else, something deeper, more unsettling and engaging than anything that has come before. This is an important book.

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