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The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Surivive and Thrive When the World Overwhelms You (English Edition) par [Elaine N. Aron]

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How to cope when the world overwhelms you.

For those people who:
have a keen imagination; are labelled too shy or too sensitive; who perform poorly when being observed even though they are usually competent; have vivid dreams; for whom time alone each day is essential;
and find they are quickly overwhelmed by noise and confusion, crowded parties, hectic office life………….
this is the book to help them understand themselves and how best to cope in various situations.

Highly sensitive people are often very bright and creative but many suffer from low self esteem. They are not ‘neurotics’ as they have been labelled for so long. However, high sensitivity can lead them to cease to engage with the outside world.

The book offers solutions for a happy and fulfilling life. Particularly in the way an HSP perceives his or herself: the book helps to ‘reframe’ past events, such as a difficult childhood, or how they see themselves – ie. shy.

Particularly strong material for those raising a sensitive child

Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée

273 pages
Langue

Anglais
Éditeur

Thorsons
Date de publication

6 mars 2014
Taille du fichier

1200 KB
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Description du produit

Revue de presse

PRAISE FOR DR. ELAINE ARON AND HER GROUNDBREAKING CLASSIC
THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON

“Elaine Aron’s perceptive analysis of this fundamental dimension of human nature is must reading. Her balanced presentation suggests new paths for making sensitivity a blessing, not a handicap.”
—Philip G. Zimbardo, author of Shyness

“Enlightening and empowering, this book is a wonderful gift to us all.”
—Riane Ensler, author of Nurturing Our Humanity

“Shy people fear being judged or rejected, whereas highly sensitive people have a keen awareness of their environment, frequently becoming overstimulated by it.”
—Self

“If you are easily overwhelmed by noise, chaos, and emotions; perform poorly when being observed; and require time alone each day, there is no need to worry; recent research shows your heightened sensitivity can do you more good than harm.”
—Counseling Today

“The first book that helps readers to identify their highly sensitive trait and to make the most of it.”
—Counseling and Human Development

“Aron combines self-tests with useful, unclichéd advice on stress control and provocative descriptions of research.”
—Fitness

“At book signings, people have come up to her [Elaine Aron] and said, ‘You've saved my life.’”
—San Francisco Chronicle

“Aron's book is not a fly-by-night, self-help tome, but instead a serious effort to explore a subject on which little has been done.”
—Portland Oregonian

“This book is a valuable resource for the HSP, as well as those who are trying to understand the HSP.”
—The New Times

“This innovative psychologist has figured out that the extreme reactivity of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) can be a good thing. This comes as a relief to people like me—and probably you, too.”
—Pathways --Ce texte fait référence à l'édition hardcover.

Biographie de l'auteur

ELAINE N. ARON, Ph.D., obtained her doctorate in clinical psychology from Pacific Graduate Institute and trained at the Jung Institute in San Francisco. She is widely published in academic journals on the subject of both sensory processing sensitivity and, along with her husband, Art Aron, the scientific study of close relationships. She is also the author of The Highly Sensitive Parent, The Highly Sensitive Child, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, The Highly Sensitive Person Workbook, Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person, and The Undervalued Self. She conducts workshops for HSPs around the country and internationally, and maintains a newsletter for them at www.hsperson.com. --Ce texte fait référence à l'édition hardcover.

Extrait

"Cry baby!"

"Scaredy-cat!"

"Don't be a spoilsport!"

Echoes from the past?  And how about this well-meaning warning: "You're just too sensitive for your own good."

If you were like me, you heard a lot of that, and it made you feel there must be something very different about you.  I was convinced that I had a fatal flaw that I had to hide and that doomed me to a second-rate life.  I thought there was something wrong with me.

In fact, there is something very right with you and me.  If you answer true to fourteen or more of the questions on the self-test at the end of this preface, or if the detailed description in chapter 1 seems to fit you (really the best test), then you are a very special type of human being, a highly sensitive person--which hereafter we'll call an HSP.  And this book is just for you.

Having a sensitive nervous system is normal, a basically neutral trait.  You probably inherited it.  It occurs in about 15-20 percent of the population.  It means you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations.  It also means you are more easily overwhelmed when you have been out in a highly stimulating environment for too long, bombarded by sights and sounds until you are exhausted in a nervous-system sort of way.  Thus, being sensitive has both advantages and disadvantages.

In our culture, however, possessing this trait is not considered ideal and that fact probably has had a major impact on you.  Well-meaning parents and teachers probably tried to help you "overcome" it, as if it were a defect.  Other children were not always as nice about it.  As an adult, it has probably been harder to find the right career and relationships and generally to feel self-worth and self-confidence.

What This Book Offers You

This book provides basic, detailed information you need about your trait, data that exist nowhere else.  It is the product of five years of research, in-depth interviews, clinical experience, courses and individual consultations with hundreds of HSPs, and careful reading between the lines of what psychology has already learned about the trait but does not realize it knows.  In the first three chapters you will learn all the basic facts about your trait and how to handle overstimulation and overarousal of your nervous system.

Next, this book considers the impact of your sensitivity on your personal history, career, relationships, and inner life.  It focuses on the advantages you may not have thought of, plus it gives advice about typical problems some HSPs face, such as shyness or difficulty finding the right sort of work.

It is quite a journey we'll take.  Most of the HSPs I've helped with the information that is in this book have told me that it has dramatically changed their lives--and they've told me to tell you that.

What You'll Need

I have found that HSPs benefit from a fourfold approach, which the chapters in this book will follow.

1.  Self-knowledge.  You have to understand what it means to be an HSP. Thoroughly.  And how it fits with your other traits and how your society's negative attitude has affected you.  Then you need to know your sensitive body very well.  No more ignoring your body because it seems too uncooperative or weak.

2.  Reframing.  You must actively reframe much of your past in the light of knowing you came into the world highly sensitive.  So many of your "failures" were inevitable because neither you nor your parents and teachers, friends and colleagues, understood you.  Reframing how you experienced your past can lead to solid self-esteem, and self-esteem is especially important for HSPs, for it decreases our overarousal in new (and therefore highly stimulating) situations.

Reframing is not automatic, however.  That is why I include "activities" at the end of each chapter that often involve it.

3.  Healing.  If you have not yet done so, you must begin to heal the deeper wounds.  You were very sensitive as a child; family and school problems, childhood illnesses, and the like all affected you more than others. Furthermore, you were different from other kids and almost surely suffered for that.

HSPs especially, sensing the intense feelings that must arise, may hold back from the inner work necessary to heal the wounds from the past.  Caution and slowness are justified.  But you will cheat yourself if you delay.

4.  Help With Feeling Okay When Out in the World and Learning When to Be Less Out.  You can be, should be, and need to be involved in the world.  It truly needs you.  But you have to be skilled at avoiding overdoing or underdoing it. This book, free of the confusing messages from a less sensitive culture, is about discovering that way.

I will also teach you about your trait's effect on your close relationships. And I'll discuss psychotherapy and HSPs--which HSPs should be in therapy and why, what kind, with whom, and especially how therapy differs for HSPs.  Then I'll consider HSPs and medical care, including plenty of information on medications like Prozac, often taken by HSPs.  At the end of this book we will savor our rich inner life.

The Research Behind This Book

As knowledge about my trait changed my life, I decided to read more about it, but there was almost nothing available.  I thought the closest topic might be introversion.  The psychiatrist Carl Jung wrote very wisely on the subject, calling it a tendency to turn inward.  The work of Jung, himself an HSP, has been a major help to me, but the more scientific work on introversion was focused on introverts not being sociable, and it was that idea which made me wonder if introversion and sensitivity were being wrongly equated.

With so little information to go on, I decided to put a notice in a newsletter that went to the staff of the university where I was teaching at the time.  I asked to interview anyone who felt they were highly sensitive to stimulation, introverted, or quick to react emotionally.  Soon I had more volunteers than I needed.

Next, the local paper did a story on the research.  Even though there was nothing said in the article about how to reach me, over a hundred people phoned and wrote me, thanking me, wanting help, or just wanting to say, "Me, too." Two years later, people were still contacting me.  (HSPs sometimes think things over for a while before making their move!)

Based on the interviews (forty for two to three hours each), I designed a questionnaire that I have distributed to thousands all over North America.  And I directed a random-dialing telephone survey of three hundred people as well. The point that matters for you is that everything in this book is based on solid research, my own or that of others.  Or I am speaking from my repeated observations of HSPs, from my courses, conversations, individual consultations, and psychotherapy with them.  These opportunities to explore the personal lives of HSPs have numbered in the thousands.  Even so, I will say "probably" and "maybe" more than you are used to in books for the general reader, but I think HSPs appreciate that.

Deciding to do all of this research, writing, and teaching has made me a kind of pioneer.  But that, too, is part of being an HSP.  We are often the first ones to see what needs to be done.  As our confidence in our virtues grows, perhaps more and more of us will speak up--in our sensitive way.

Instructions to the Reader

1.  Again, I address the reader as an HSP, but this book is written equally for someone seeking to understand HSPs, whether as a friend, relative, advisor, employer, educator, or health professional.

2.  This book involves seeing yourself as having a trait common to many.  That is, it labels you.  The advantages are that you can feel normal and benefit from the experience and research of others.  But any label misses your uniqueness.  HSPs are each utterly different, even with their common trait. Please remind yourself of that as you proceed.

3.  While you are reading this book, you will probably see everything in your life in light of being highly sensitive.  That is to be expected.  In fact, it is exactly the idea.  Total immersion helps with learning any new language, including a new way of talking about yourself.  If others feel a little concerned, left out, or annoyed, ask for their patience.  There will come a day when the concept will settle in and you'll be talking about it less.

4.  This book includes some activities which I have found useful for HSPs.  But I'm not going to say that you must do them if you want to gain anything from this book.  Trust your HSP intuition and do what feels right.

5.  Any of the activities could bring up strong feelings.  If that happens, I do urge you to seek professional help.  If you are now in therapy, this book should fit well with your work there.  The ideas here might even shorten the time you will need therapy as you envision a new ideal self--not the culture's ideal but your own, someone you can be and maybe already are.  But remember that this book does not substitute for a good therapist when things get intense or confusing.

This is an exciting moment for me as I imagine you turning the page and entering into this new world of mine, of yours, of ours.  After thinking for so long that you might be the only one, it is nice to have company, isn't it?

Are You Highly Sensitive?  A Self-Test

Answer each question according to the way you feel.  Answer true if it is at least somewhat true for you.  Answer false if it is not very true or not at all true for you.

I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.

Other people's moods affect me.

I tend to be very sensitive to pain.

I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days, into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.

I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.

I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by.

I have a rich, complex inner life.

I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.

I am deeply moved by the arts or music.

I am conscientious.

I startle easily.

I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.

When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating).

I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once.

I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.

I make it a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows.

I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me.

Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me, disrupting my concentration or mood.

Changes in my life shake me up.

I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.

I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations.

When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.

When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy.

SCORING YOURSELF

If you answered true to twelve or more of the questions, you're probably highly sensitive.

But frankly, no psychological test is so accurate that you should base your life on it.  If only one or two questions are true of you but they are extremely true, you might also be justified in calling yourself highly sensitive.  The rest of this book will help you understand yourself better and learn to thrive in today's not-so-sensitive world. --Ce texte fait référence à l'édition kindle_edition.

Détails sur le produit

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00I7JO28C
Éditeur ‏ : ‎ Thorsons (6 mars 2014)
Langue ‏ : ‎ Anglais
Taille du fichier ‏ : ‎ 1200 KB
Synthèse vocale ‏ : ‎ Activée
Lecteur d’écran ‏ : ‎ Pris en charge
Confort de lecture ‏ : ‎ Activé
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Activé
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Activé
Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée ‏ : ‎ 273 pages
Pagination - ISBN de l'édition imprimée de référence ‏ : ‎ 0008244308

Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon : 74,463 en Boutique Kindle (Voir les 100 premiers en Boutique Kindle)
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- 48 en Emotional Mental Health
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Commenté en France le 21 mai 2022

Achat vérifié

At last if you are looking for information and help understanding yourself or someone else read this book. It's simple explanations are easy to follow without too much detail or academic babble. It helped me (after years of not knowing why I am different to everyone else I know) and helped my husband understand my behaviour and the way I think much better. 'Insensitive' people just don't get me, never have, they don't have the time, interest or depth to cope with my unusual (quiet, sensitive and usually emotional) ways so most of my life has been a challenge for me. Now I finally understand my personality better, it still makes life difficult but I now I can see ways of fitting in with the crowd a little easier and learn how to deal with things that hurt me or make me uncomfortable and try to avoid too many situations like that happening in the future. Forgiving and not shutting people out of my life (for self protection) may take a while but I hope I can do that too. Read this book if you are looking for a way to accept and love yourself more, hopefully a happier life will be ahead for all of us that feel too soft or anxious for this damn world.

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Commenté en France le 17 novembre 2016

Achat vérifié

Très bon livre à lire par tous les hypersensibles, ceux qui pensent l'être, ceux qui pensent avoir un hypersensible dans leur entourage, et tous les autres.
Livre très bien mené, très bien pensé qui est devenu un référence en la matière.
Il a littéralement changé la vision que j'avais de moi, de moi par rapport au monde, et du monde en général.
Je le recommande chaudement.

6 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

Excelnt book to understand what highly sensitive means

Commenté en France le 11 juin 2017

Achat vérifié

Whether you want to understand yourself, your children, partner, friends... and know how to better cope with the relationship.
Many people confuse high potential that most of the time includes the high sensitivity but treating this as a topic apart is essential. We notice thourough research and thinking around the topic, I just loved the book!

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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A life-changing book for those with this personality trait

Commenté en France le 27 août 2017

Achat vérifié

This book is a life-changer for people with this personality trait. My only regret is that it is very American: too much religion and very basic, not enough depth. We are left with many unanswered questions.

4 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

Commenté en France le 16 juin 2022

Achat vérifié

RAS

Client d'Amazon

Ce livre m’a permis de tout comprendre

Commenté en France le 21 août 2021

Achat vérifié

Il est très bien écrit et documenté

très intéressant

Commenté en France le 13 décembre 2019

Achat vérifié

c'est un bon livre pour les gens comme moi qui pensent que leur sensibilité est un problème, cela m'a permis de prendre du recul et de mieux comprendre mon fonctionnement dans certaines situations

Très intéressant et déculpabilisant

Commenté en France le 22 juin 2017

Achat vérifié

Très bon livre, qui m'a aidé à me connaitre, me comprendre et reprendre confiance. Je ne vois plus les choses de la même façon.

Une personne a trouvé cela utile

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Billie

Highly senstive person by Elaine N Aron, life changing book, you NEED this one.

Commenté au Royaume-Uni le 4 août 2017

Achat vérifié

This book is superb, a real change your life kind of book. Have struggled to be in the world and this book explains SO SO much. Highly recommend this book to everyone both those who are finding the world too much yet are told 'you're too sensitive' if you feel the need to lock yourself in a bathroom or hide under the duvet after being around others in crowded busy situations, this book is for you.

If you find the world a struggle but can't find the words to describe how it feels to others who just don't 'get' you, this book is for both of you.

I especially like the case studies and how there are sections to show to health professionals who don't believer you when you have extreme reactions to even very low doses of medication and for teachers if you are still in education.

Elaine's book is SUPERB, I'm struggling with Dave Markowitz book so if you are on the fence between the two my money is on this one. bought it on Kindle and then in paper back coz there was so much in it I wanted to underline, highlight, put a paper tab so I could find again and write out sections in a positivity healing journal.

Please don't call someone 'needy, too much, oversensitive' etc, ASK them whats going on and how you can help, or even better buy this book and find out how YOU can be a kinder person to them.

196 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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Kindle Customer

Enlightening

Commenté au Royaume-Uni le 30 janvier 2018

Achat vérifié

I loved this book, it made sense of my life, my issues, my difficulties. Finally everything fell into place and I felt as though I was being permission to be myself, as complex and difficult as it sometimes can be.
It has been very enlightening and helpful, the only reason I have given it 5 stars is because it seems to assume that we all have well paid, high-flying careers, with not only the opportunity, but also the wealth to pick and choose an ideal therapist.
The majority of us have ordinary lives, ordinary jobs, would have been nice for that to have been recognised.

112 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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Bookman

Ok

Commenté au Royaume-Uni le 5 avril 2019

Achat vérifié

Seems to be well researched and contains lots of information; however I found it lacking on providing concrete solutions apart from endless lists of billet points. First part of the book was much better then the second one. I don’t find CBT techniques helpful for deeper problems. They seem to be shallow and superficial and they are only good for little bumps on the road.

56 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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L. A. Lazenby

As much as I dislike 'labels', the fact that this trait is a ...

Commenté au Royaume-Uni le 28 août 2017

Achat vérifié

I heard about this book from a TedTalk and it is changing my life. As much as I dislike 'labels', the fact that this trait is a recognised 'thing' and not just me is such a relief. Now I can learn to work with it instead of against it, and this book made me feel like someone is with me, giving me support. A friendly, helpful and informative book.

61 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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Vanda Denton

Are you highly strung?

Commenté au Royaume-Uni le 19 octobre 2016

Achat vérifié

Do you jump at any sudden noise, no matter how familiar? Battle with anxiety that has no discernible cause? Cry easily? Are you susceptible to phobias? You might be physiologically sensitive and not neurotic. This may be both a revelation and a relief as it was to me when I read this well-researched, intelligently written account of a personality type I'd never before heard explained.

70 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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